I Come to the River a Year Later

I come to the river this afternoon, on the anniversary of my coming here for the first time - with so many memories of experiences and lessons learned - but especially recalling that day, a year ago - spent with the one who first brought me here, suggesting it as a meeting place...

I come to the river in the afternoon after spending the late morning with a gifted therapist and healer who reminded me that the things that happen to us are not good or bad in the mind of God - even though we may label our own experiences as good or bad. We must learn to see ourselves as God sees us - in all our beauty and magnificence, and know that everything has a purpose in God's infinite plan...

I go deep into meditation and hear the message: "I am with you always, until the end of time..."

I come to the river after over a week of not being able to immerse myself and Grace in its healing waters...

I come to the river after two nights of dreaming of being in water...

In one dream, I have to swim across to the other shore to receive a spiritual teaching, from one of my teachers...

In the second, I must confront my fears and launch myself onto the ocean on what seems to be a thin plank, with no visibility of land in the direction I am going...

I come into the river in the early afternoon and paddle straight across to the Maryland side which longingly drew me for so many months. The water table is low again, and I can see very strange things growing on the riverbed that I find to be very ominous looking. The grasses I encounter are very thick and I confront my fears of getting tangled in them. I no longer want to be held back by remaining ties to the past and want to let go of replaying events and circumstances in my head...

The other side no longer holds an interest for me - and I paddle today, without aim and without reason - there is no plan and no goal that I have...

I discover a pipeline buried underneath the water, seemingly connecting the two states I am straddling. I follow it for a while and think of making my own life a straight highway for God - as the Prophet Isaiah once foretold and extolled...

I recall so many lessons that I have learned on this river over the course of this year:

"In the river I know I will find the key."

"Let go of holding on,
and hold on to letting go..."

"Trust that this river is taking you
to the ocean of the unimaginable..."

"At last, the river of my life
flows into the ocean of Thy Live."

"Creo que oigo una voz,
al otro lado del rio...
tanta lagrima
y yo soy un vaso vacio..."

"Spirit of the river,
I can hear you...
I am deep inside your song..."

"We are many drops, one ocean..."

"I will remain by this river...
May my present path, my new life,
start from there...
The river has taught me to listen...
The river has many voices...
The river is everywhere at the same time...
And when I learned that,
I reviewed my life,
and it was also a river..."

"A river called The Arms of God..."

"The river speaks...
I will be with you until the end of time..."

"You are in some kinds of race with time,
with unbelievably harsh circumstances.
You must paddle with the questions
that will most help you awaken
into the next phase of your life...
You have left the shore of what you think you know
about yourself, your life, your relationships,
your direction, your purpose.
You must ask God more deeply than you ever had:
'Who do you say that I am?
What do you want me to do?'"

"The ocean of Spirit has become
the little bubble of my soul..."

"Let this river run..."

"This river runs through me..."

"Come sit in my heart.
My heart is deeper and wider
and fuller than this river..."

"There was a great darkness I had to pass through
upon my return from the lake. I had so totally left my life
that I did not know how to find my way back in..."

"The river speaks its wisdom:
'Your love must be stronger than your pain..."

"The river is wide, I cannot see.
Nor do I have light wings to fly.
Build me a boat that can carry two,
and both shall row, my love and I..."

"Surrender is the river
that will deliver you back
to the ocean of cosmic consciousness."

"The water is your friend,
you don't have to fight with the water.
Just share the same spirit as water,
and it will help you move."

"Don't push the river,
let it flow."

"I paddle into the thick mist.
If this is not surrender, I don't know what is."

"Cross the river bravely,
conquer all your passions..."

"Let us bless the grace of water...
Let us bless the humility of water...
Water: voice of grief, cry of love
in the flowing tear.
Water: vehicle and idiom
of all the inner voyaging that keeps us alive."

I come to the river but do not spent a lot of time here today. I don't know how often I will be able to immerse myself in its healing waters. I recall a student asking me recently, what would I do when I could no longer paddle as winter settled in for a stretch? I know I will still come here, even when it is biting cold. How could I not?

I come to the river today - more to mark an anniversary and to give thanks for all that I have been given and all that I have received at every stage of my journey and relationship to this river...

I come to the river with a grateful heart, and -

I thank the One,
and the one -
who brought me to this river.

The Grace of Water

I meet the friend who wrote the poetic musings - "El Rio" that I shared in a recent blog. We go down to Riverbend Park to experience "her" river farther downstream than where I go and experience "mine..."

The river is beautiful here - it is much different in terrain. It is calm in some parts, but there are also rapids, and I wonder how Grace would navigate such waters. How would I?

We speak to a woman in the Visitor's Center about kayaking, and she invites me to consider working with a certified instructor in a program they run in the summer with novice kayakers. They need volunteers to keep the program running since they are facing severe staffing cuts. I cannot imagine doing this - I have no basic learned skills, since I have basically taught myself. Yet this woman thinks I could do it and takes my name and contact information...

My friend and I head out to walk the trail leading to the rocks where she surveys and communes with the river. We share our individual river journeys totally comforted in being understood by the other, for our experiences have often mirrored the others...

She wisely observes, that my river journey is far from over. In many ways, it is just beginning and I am just getting into it...

She marvels at the courage that it took to get into the water - it is something I hear over and over again - how brave I was. But I never considered it a courageous thing to do - or really thought about it very much. It seemed like the natural order of things, and I felt compelled - almost ordered to come into the river...

My friend and I arrive at a juncture of the trail that has been blocked off - it seems permanently - further up the trail beyond this point is where "her" rocks are located - though this spot is now barricaded. The area has been designated a sanctuary for wildlife...

My friend is dismayed - she will no longer be able to travel to this spot that has been such a faithful companion on her journey. She remembers and spontaneously repeats a mantra I had uttered a while back on the river as I paddled:

"Let go of holding on - and hold on to letting go..."

She will have to find her way anew alongside this river which she recognizes is no more hers than my river and rocks are mine...

We find a precarious spot and snake ourselves down to the river itself and listen to the currents wildly flowing at our feet, while we watch blue birds dashing about...

After a while, we start to make our way back and sit on a bench where she gives me a gift. She thanks me for all I have given and shared with her, and reads me a selection from the book - To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings, by John O'Donohue.

Months ago I shared some entries from this book in this blog, but I had never read this particular selection. I sit and I listen to her share this beautiful reading, hearing it for the first time - recalling moments - some of them heavy with emotion - echoing very personal experiences for me in some of its verses - as my eyes take in the breathtakingly beautiful expanse before me:

In Praise of Water

Let us bless the grace of water.
The imagination of the primeval ocean
Where the first forms of life stirred
And emerged to dress the vacant earth
With warm quilts of color.

The well whose liquid root worked
Through the long night of clay,
Trusting ahead of itself openings
That would yet yield to its yearning
Until at last it arises in the desire of light
To discover the pure quiver of itself
Flowing crystal clear and free
Through delighted emptiness.

The courage of a river to continue belief
In the slow fall of ground,
Always falling farther
Towards the unseen ocean.

The river does what words would love,
Keeping its appearance
By insisting on disappearance;
Its only life surrendered
To the event of pilgrimage,
Carrying the origin to the end,
Seldom pushing or straining,
Keeping itself to itself,
Everywhere all along its flow,
All at once with its sinuous mind,
An utter rhythm, never awkward,
It continues to swirl
Through all unlikeness,
With elegance:
A ceaseless traverse of presence
Soothing on each side
The stilled fields,
Sounding out its journey,
Raising up a buried music
Where the silence of time
Becomes almost audible.

Tides stirred by the eros of the moon
Draw from that permanent restlessness
Perfect waves that languidly rise
And pleat in gradual forms of aquamarine
To offer ever last tear of delight
At the altar of stillness inland.

And the rain in the night, driven
By the loneliness of the wind
To perforate the darkness,
As though some air pocket might open
To release the perfume of the lost day
And salvage some memory
From its forsaken turbulence
And drop its weight of longing
Into the earth, and anchor.

Let us bless the humility of water,
Always willing to take the shape
Of watever otherness holds it,

The buoyancy of water
Stronger than the deadening,
Downward drag of gravity,
The innocence of water,
Flowing forth, without thought
Of what awaits it,
The refreshment of water,
Dissolving the crystals of thirst.

Water: voice of grief,
Cry of love,
In the flowing tear.

Water: vehicle and idiom
Of all the inner voyaging
that keeps us alive.

Blessed be Water,
Our first mother...

Mil gracias, Veronica!

Slouching Towards Winter

The last few days have been very windy and cold, and I have found myself wanting to hibernate and be more domestic - running errands, cleaning and clearing various corners - and even re-potting three African violets that had grown together for years! I invited them to accept the physical separation from their sisters as a good thing so that they could continue to thrive to their hearts content in their own playground!

I've been mulling over a few things from Yogananda's writings of late, which as always, have come at precisely the right time and moment:

"The happiness that people look for in this earth does not endure.
Divine Joy is eternal. Yearn for that which is lasting,
and be hardhearted about rejecting
the impermanent pleasures of this life.
You have to be this way.
Don't let the world rule you.
Never forget that the Lord is the only reality...
You true happiness lies in the experience of Him."

"You have to turn to God sometime,
so isn't it better to do it now?
Just give yourself to Him and say:
'Lord, naughty or good I am your child.
You must take care of me.'
If you keep on trying, you will improve.
A saint is a sinner who never gave up."

"Remember that as a child of God
you are endowed with greater strength
than you will ever need to overcome
all the trials that God may send to you."

"Love God will all your heart and soul.
Seek the kingdom of God first,
then all your desires will be fulfilled...
Love God more than you love anyone
or anything else, for you cannot know what love is,
nor use that love to love anyone or anything,
without having first received that love from God."

Autumnal River Blessings

I so looked forward to paddling today - but I found it too windy and overcast - and I chose to exercise caution...

I shared the river yesterday morning with a former high school student of mine - now a beautiful and radiant young woman - who traveled from afar to study Reiki with me. She wanted to see this river that has captivated my heart and soul...

I go to the river this afternoon, and speak to a rower emerging from the waters who describes the kind of water and currents that he encountered. He says anybody can paddle while it is sunny - but by not going in now - I would miss some of the finest waters of the season. Still, I feel mine was a wise choice. I am chilled to the bone and do not feel I would have the endurance necessary. There is always a right time and I will find it once again...

The leaves are peaking and I yearn to cross the river and entertain this explosion of color in all its majesty. I reflect on the beautiful quotes embedded within a heart-warming and inspirational video, entitled: "Autumn Blessings Movie," which I viewed before coming to the river...

"As with the leaves on a tree,
we let go and let autumn bless us
with its amazing panoramic display..."

"Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile."
- William Cullen Bryant

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.
Nature's peace will flow into you,
as sunshine flows into trees.
The winds will blow their own
freshness into you.
And the storms their energy,
while cares will drop off,
like autumn leaves."
- John Muir

"Autumn is a second spring
where every leaf is a flower."
- Albert Camus

"A few days ago, I walked along the edge
of a lake and was treated to the crunch and rustle
of leaves with each step I took.
The acoustics of this season are different
and all sounds, no matter how hushed,
are as crisp as autumn air."
- Eric Sloane

"No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace
as I have seen in one autumnal face."
- John Donne

"I cannot endure to waste anything
as precious as autumn sunshine
by staying in the house,
so I spend almost all daylight hours
in the open air."
- Nathaniel Hawthorne

"Even if something is left undone,
everyone must take time to sit still
and watch the leaves turn."
- Elizabeth Lawrence

"Delicious autumn!
My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird,
I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns."
- George Eliot

"Winter is an etching,
Spring, a watercolor,
Summer, an oil painting,
and Autumn, a mosaic of them all."
- Stanley Horowitz

(To see the video - go to:
www.autumnblessingsmovie.com)

River Currents

I enter the park attentively, for there are deer wandering about very slowly everywhere...

One stops in the middle of the road and stares me down and will not budge. I wait until he decides he feels like moving on. None of the deer seem all that interested in me - or concerned in any way with my presence. It is as if I were a family member that is often overlooked or ignored...

The river is calm and very still - no discernible movement in the waters as I sit on my rock and survey the others that are normally submerged. I begin my prayers and the wind kicks up, and within moments I suddenly notice the currents moving upstream!

The currents not only move up the river - but towards me as well - wave upon wave heading towards me - gently breaking and dissolving at my feet. There is a message here for me, and I am filled with God's Presence...

I pray for a little girl who captivates my heart and whose birthday it is today, and a friend who lost her mother mere months ago, and now faces the loss of her mother-in-law. I pray for others as well...

I am grateful for two beautiful meditation opportunities that I was gifted with yesterday and my senses are filled with them...

I traveled to meditate with a group led by a gifted therapist and devotee, who asked us to consider whether we ever entered into partnership with God in dealing with our life issues and problems - or did we merely leave all the work for Him to do alone?

We were encouraged to focus on our heart chakra, inviting in God's healing energy, and then letting Him do the work that needed to be done in us - trusting that he would do it - and not digging up the planted seed of His work over and over again, to see if it had sprouted and then wonder why it had not borne fruit.

I think of internalizing the elements of trust and letting go - and accepting that God will provide in His own time, and on His own terms - knowing every moment and every step of the way what was best for us...

This gifted leader of this group spoke of a particular experience of samadhi, and reminded us that when we are on the path of soul ascension we often experience more separation than union - before we are able to experience deeper states of union and bliss - states that are truly available to us...

I enter DEEP into meditation after a powerful hypnotic induction - and feel a sense of freedom and releasing into God - I have not felt in a long time. I want to stay there forever...

My dreams are very active and I "see" God healing what I asked Him to heal...

I think at the river of how we come in "programmed" into our current lives and incarnations. We find the people we are supposed to find and avoid the situations we know will furnish the lessons we came here to learn because they may cause deep pain. So it has been with me - I knew whom I would marry and when I would meet him - just as I knew who would figure prominently in my life - and what relationships would cause deep pain. I knew these things even before I entered into them - doing so - because I knew I had to on some level that I cannot explain or begin to articulate...There is nothing that is accidental...The signs are all there for us - all the time...

And I reflect on these words of Yogananda as I prepare to leave the river this morning:

"Have only one desire: to know God.
Satisfying the sensory desires cannot satisfy,
because you are not the senses.
They are only your servants, not your Self."

River Dance

I arrive at the river in the late morning, and it is a beautiful - but cold one indeed - so I slip on my booties for further insulation inside my crocks...

It has been a while since it rained so the river is very low. I think that I could literally walk across it to the other side and imagine myself doing so. At one point, I curiously plant my paddle into the riverbed and find that in certain spots it is only a half paddle or less deep! I am grateful that Grace's underside is pretty flat - she doesn't have much of a protruding keel...

There are so many rocks and boulders lying at the bottom as well as different variations of grasses growing everywhere...Some seem like very long tresses that the river appears to gently comb...

Then there are the grasses that are more ominous and appear like dark tentacles. I shiver at the thought of the recent dream I had where the tentacles lured me and held me captive as I struggled to release myself from them - the symbolism in that dream so very evident to me...

I marvel at how one portion of the river has gentle currents - like rivulets dancing here and there - and other parts are so still I can see very deeply into it. How can this river be so different and yet the same? This river I paddle in is never the same river twice...

I paddle upstream way past the point I normally go to, and then let go, and do my full meditation practice of the morning, floating downstream for a long time, accompanied by the cacophony of many species of birds singing joyfully...

I offer prayers for a dear child I miss, whose birthday it is tomorrow, and I think of my own - no longer a child...Then, I offer prayers for all those on my current list...

I float downstream for an eternity, sometimes more quickly, and sometimes I am virtually at a standstill, and I think of allowing whatever must be - to be - embraced by the birds, and at the mercy of the currents which turns me completely around several times. The river and I are engaged in a "river dance" - a paso doble where I am danced in this dance and led...

There is a peace I feel here, on this river that is absent everywhere else. There is a knowing and an ability to see with deep and sacred eyes...Things make sense here in a way they do not when I am on land. It is like I enter a different world, and I am reminded of the book - The Mists of Avalon - a re-telling of the Arthurian tales from a feminine perspective. I remember how I longed to have the mists part for me so that I could reach that magical place of Avalon. Now I know that I have found that magical place for me - on this river - and I never could have foreseen this coming...

This whole journey began by sitting on a bench at the behest of a friend. And yet, I can no longer sit at the bench anymore than I can go back to re-live the past...

I think of the people that have come and gone - and even figured prominently in the last year of my life as I began this journey and transition - and how even they are walking a more different spiritual path - but one that is unique to each one of them...

I see the sun resplendently shining on the water's surface and imagine the magnificent "Eye of God" peering directly at me...

I wonder how much longer I will be able to come to this river and whether it will be too cold, and try to imagine what it would feel like to feel its absence. Every time I get into my car I pass Grace and look at her with longing...

I sit now, and bask in the peace given to me by this river, literally smelling her on my fingers, and feeling her in my soul...

The Healing Power of Touch

When I was in Cape Cod this summer, I read an article about an elderly man who used the healing power of touch - hugs, and kisses - to help bring his wife back from the grips of Alzheimer's.

I had forgotten about the article, but when I was organizing a pile of books, I found the article that I had saved.

The gentleman, Sol Rogers, visits his wife and climbs into bed with her, sings to her, and simply loves her, telling her how much he cares. Over time, his wife Rita's behavior has improved remarkably. She is calmer, communicates better, and has regained some mobility, according to the August 10th article in the Boston Globe.

As his wife's condition worsened, Sol became very depressed. So he started climbing into bed with her, talking to her, engaging her in whatever conversation was possible, and just holding her, and he found that only did his depression lift, but his wife became more responsive and mobile as well.

A doctor interviewed for the article pointed out that Rita's memory would remember her husband's presence. For a while, Rita didn't even recognize her husband, but now - every time a man passes by in the hall - she cries out: "Sol!"

The nursing home that Rita lives in is encouraging of what Sol Rogers is doing. Not all facilities allow for this kind of physical contact. But there are studies now underway exploring the ramifications of such practices...

What a beautiful testament to the healing power of touch!

Reflections by the River in Autumn

I do not have the time to paddle today, but steal away to the river for a brief visit anyway. It is so hard to stay away...

The air is crisp, and clean, and the water table is low...Mounds of fallen leaves cling to the shoreline and unfamiliar rocks are exposed that normally lay hidden under water...

I drive in to the park with my coffee in hand, reflecting on how one of the things I have always been good at is connecting - always tracking people down, staying in touch, and bringing others together. As people from the earliest decades of my life continue to pour back into my life, I am mindful of what a small world this really is!

In moments, Reiki meditations waft down by the river where there is not a soul or car in sight...

It is ironic how I have felt so much dis-connection in the midst of birthing deeper connections - and the insights comes - that one experience needed to be embodied to give birth to the other...

I reflect on how difficult it is to conceive that we are truly all one when at times it feels like anything but that. But I remember the blog entry I wrote nearly a year ago, based on my friend Pat's essay - like the ocean, we are many drops, but one ocean...

Then the image comes to me - that we are all like a glass of water, scooped out of the same body of water - be it a river or an ocean - and while we can be placed in containers that separate us (so symbolic of the life circumstances and situations that do this) and taken to the far corners of the world - we all still come from the same Source...

We are all sparks sent forth from the heart of God - so teaches Paramahansa Yogananda - but we all come from the same heart none-the-less. God in His wisdom divided himself that we might ultimately experience the unity in diversity and longingly seek to merge again, in Him, as One...

Such a beautiful reality in its simplicity, and I find comfort in this image...

I cast my eyes on the river one last time before reluctantly leaving, knowing - that somehow - this has become home, and maybe someday a resting place, as I visualize ashes, remains of a body temple, ritually returned to the river and to the Source from which we all came...

Accepting, Allowing, Surrender

The first freeze of the year arrives, but it does not stop me from going to the river at noon...

I launch Grace and marvel at how for the first time, I can see all the way to the bottom of the riverbed far and wide and am fascinated by its topography. It is like seeing with new eyes or with magnified peripheral vision. I can see with a clarity that is coming from embodying more deeply the qualities of accepting, allowing, and surrender...

These are qualities of opening to grace I will explore and use as class themes for the next few weeks. Images come to mind of teaching this morning, and examining the many nuances of acceptance as we worked very deeply with a few poses...

I paddle and note that the riverbed yields its secrets - and I marvel at its depth, and breath - each stone truly unique in its size and shape. I wonder how long they have lain at the bottom...

I can see the remnants of shells here and there, and I follow a lone bass hugging the riverbed closely, but wandering slowly and gracefully, without a care in the world...

I drink in the sounds, the freshness of the air, and perform my meditation ritual...

The realization comes that I have spent most of the year resisting where I am - wanting things to be other than what they are. I thought I would be in a different place than where I am...

Yet, the truth is, suffering comes from not accepting where we are and knowing that wherever it is that we are - is exactly where we need to be...The suffering is self created and inflicted. The Buddha taught that all life is suffering and it comes from clinging...This is not acceptance...

As I float down, I allow the river currents to shape my path downstream - turning Grace this way or that way - as I surrender to the river's intended trajectory and give up my own predilections...

There is a freedom that comes from all of this - from accepting, allowing, and surrender...

I cannot open to grace without embodying all three...

I think of a friend who recently told me that I had to learn to open to grace - even in my knees...

The river always has a lesson for me - speaking to my heart and soul in so many ways - through every bird call, through the movement of its currents and the breeze, through every season - it has been speaking - and it is only now that I am truly becoming more receptive to the subtleties and nuances of its messages and lessons...

Opening to Grace - Again, and Again!

I have spent two days typing my notes from the Santa Fe workshop that I just attended with John Friend and about 120 other rocking members of the Anusara Yoga kula or community.

I was amazed at how over and over again I read things that were really messages for me - and how it pertained to the First Universal Principle of Alignment in Anusara Yoga - "Opening to Grace."

This principle just never gets old for me. There are layers upon layers to be uncovered, absorbed, and imbibed - again and again! I will share a few quotes from my 25 pages of notes:

The First Universal Principle of Alignment of Anusara Yoga is to open to and receive the shakti that is all around us - rather than first assuming the approach or perspective: What is wrong with this picture?

First - we must practice being open - and then we practice receiving - and finally paying attention.

OPEN - PAUSE - FEEL IT - Choose to align with it!

We always need to send out blessings for everyone has a lesson for us.

At the end of every day - list three positive or auspicious things that happened to you - and in time you will begin manifesting more of them.

There are jewels everywhere to be seen if you just soften and open yourself to seeing them.

Be empty, and you will be whole. Be still, and ride on the waves of the energy of Spirit.

Always serve the Light. Align your intention with the Light.

Ask Spirit for strength so that when you are faced with challenges, you have the capacity to respond in the highest way possible...

The important qualities to embody with the principle of opening to grace are: accepting, allowing, and surrender...

Let my will serve Thy will!

Make yourself a chalice to be filled on this day!

If you get knocked down seven times - get up eight!

The first principle - opening to grace - is about dissolving and releasing anything that is keeping you from what is your power and strength...

And finally, I read this off of one attendee's T-shirt:

(Yoga is) Practice. Focus. Surrender
(Do Yoga) Body. Breath. Mind.
(Live Yoga) Humility. Selflessness. Devotion.

Yes - it is all about opening to grace. When we don't open - we harden - we round. We don't let the light in. Or the love...

The River at Dawn

I awaken in the deepest and darkest part of the night and cannot get back to sleep, so I pray - "Hail Mary's" and "Our Fathers", and feel sweetly embraced - as if covered in a mantle of peace and comfort and protection - granted by my fervent supplications...

A friend sends me a newsletter - Make a Difference with Compassion - by Mary Robinson Reynolds - reminding that we should give thanks for what is good in the midst of so much news that highlights fear and lack and dismay. The reading speaks of Jesus who wisely counseled:

"Ask, and it shall be given to you.
Seek, and you will find.
Knock, and the door shall be opened...

If you know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your heavenly Father
give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him."

If one's faith is big enough, and strong enough, one needs to only ask once, though most of us may need to ask several times...Scripture also teaches that if we had faith the size of a mustard seed, we could move mountains...

I think of this, as I go down to the river for the first time at dawn. I am surprised there are already some cars there - though there is not a soul in sight.

Last night I put this exhortation into practice - meditated and asked from the deepest deep within and received a sign at the end of my meditation...

I walk down to the rocks. It is windy, and gray, and forlorn. The clouds - looking like a mosaic - are reflected on the water's surface. The silence is interrupted by the black powder of hunters, and I decide against coming back later to paddle for it would not be very meditative or wise.

I do not stay long - it is too cold - and I find the frequent shots violent and disturbing. On my way out, I see one lone deer lost in his own reveries, oblivious to what his kinfolk are experiencing on the other side of the river...

"In this time...give thanks for all that you have
and all you hope to be...
Turn your full attention to that which breathes you
and created the entire Universe...
It would make practical sense that this power
and this presence that created you
and everything in the world
is competent and capable enough
to assist you with any challenging opportunity
you may be facing right now.
It takes stretching that spiritual muscle
to get to the heart of what is really trying to happen
through what you are feeling you would prefer."
- Mary Robinson Reynolds

For more - Visit the Make a Difference website:
www.makeadifference.com

The Healing Power of Intention

As often happens, I receive the same message about the healing power of intentions from several different sources. This was also the focus of the latest newsletter from the Chopra Center, and I excerpt from it:

"You are what your deepest desire is.
As your desire is, so is your intention.
As your intention is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny."
- Upanishads

Intention is the starting point of every spiritual path. It is the force that fulfills all of our needs, whether for money, relationships, spiritual awakening, or love. Intention generates all the activities in the universe. Everything tha we can see - and even the things we cannot - are an expression of intention's infinite organizing power.

As the ancient Indian sages observed thousands of years ago, our destiny is shaped by the deepest level of our intention and desire. Once we plant the seed of an intention in the fertile ground of pure potentiality, our soul's journey unfolds automatically, as naturally as a bulb becomes a tulip or an embryo becomes a child.

"The winds of grace are blowing -
it is you who must raise your sails."
- Rabindranath Tagore

San Kalpa is an ancient Sanskrit sutra that means: "My intentions have infinite organizing power." When you enter a meditative state and repeat this to yourself, you strengthen the power of your intentions. Here is how to use it:

Spend a few minutes in meditation, allowing your mind to settle. Now imagine that the entire universe is a vast ocean of consciousness and that your intentions emerge from your heart and ripple out into this ocean, where they are fulfilled with effortless ease. Then say silently to yourself, "San Kalpa."

For every intention, whether for healing, a new relationship, wealth, or opportunity, envision the desired outcome in your mind and repeat the sutra, letting it resonate deep within you.

Nuture your intentions:

Set your intentions high.
Unmask your false intentions.
Nurture your intentions every day.
Detach.

Intend for everything to work out as it should, then let go and allow opportunities and openings to come your way. Don't listen to the voice that says you have to be in charge...The outcome that you try so hard to force may not be as good for you as the one that comes naturally.

For the full newsletter, visit:
www.chopra.com/namaste

Crossing the River Bravely

I paddle upstream in the early morning coolness, marveling and reflecting on so many unexpected recent events...Most of the time, my mind is distracted by expectations that cloud my ability to see the unexpected...

A friend shares, that expectations are pre-meditated resentments, and I think of how much pain and suffering comes from focusing on expectations...

Friends and students from various stages of my life come flooding back into my life in most unexpected ways - thanks to Google and Facebook. I am tracked down and hear from many I remember fondly...How ironic that in a year when so many "exited" my life, others come back, pouring in...

My life has taken very interesting and almost radical turns over the few decades...

I briefly contemplate a whole battery of medical exams, MRI's, and PT sessions I must undertake and know that it is all for the best, trying not to dwell on these details...

Then I reflect on these words, uttered by the Buddha, and their relevance for me:

"Cross the river bravely;
conquer all your passions.
Go beyond the world of fragments
and know the deathless ground of life.

Cross the river bravely;
conquer all your passions.
Go beyond your likes and dislikes
and all fetters will fall away.

The sun shines in the day,
the moon shines in the night.
The warrior shines in battle,
the brahmin in meditation.
But day and night the Buddha shines
in radiance of love for all...

Brahmins have reached the end of the way;
they have crossed the river of life.
All that they had to do is done;
they have become one with all life."

This becoming one with life - is easier said than done...And yet it is the journey that I am on - to let go of everything - and see no separation and leave behind all duality...The river has certainly beckoned me, and I have crossed it bravely and safely...

I paddle upstream and reach my favorite spot, meditate and then float downward in the stillness and the emptiness that is paradoxically full...

I put my paddle inside of Grace and surrender to the mercy of this river...

It amazes me how every stroke of my paddle creates a wave that changes the surface of this river. Truly, every one of our actions - no matter how small - impacts on circumstances and others - sometimes in very profound ways that we do not see or know of - sometimes for years...I am saddened by how I unknowingly hurt others, and sometimes drown and choke on the grief flowing from how others have hurt me, unknowingly as well...

The river I paddle in is never the same twice, just like our own lives changing constantly with every decision and action...

Thoughts come and go of surrendering deeply on my new mat last night, in the early evening, surrounded by a sweet mantra to the Divine Feminine, I had not heard in a year...I feel the same love and mystical embrace I felt yesterday in my monthly Reiki meditation group. I know there is no where to go but up...

Former high school students of mine come back into my life, and I remember all of them - some of them are now in their forties. I taught them in my twenties, starting in 1979 - more than a lifetime ago. They share how I touched their lives - but the truth is - they touched mine very deeply as well...

I feel like Julie Andrews in the "Sound of Music" singing: "Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good." Surely the good we do cancels out a lot of the rest - the failings, the transgressions, and acts that were not self-less?

I receive a new book in the mail, and I open to a page with a reading from St. Francis de Sales. It is a reading I am familiar with, and heard over and over again in my nearly twenty-five years teaching in Visitation schools. I am amazed that it falls into my lap - right now - at this moment in my life:

"Do not look with fear
on the changes and chances of this life.
Rather look to them with full faith that as they arise,
God - whose you are - will deliver you out of them.
He has kept you hitherto.
Do not but hold fast to His dear hand,
and He will lead you safely through all things;
and when you cannot stand,
He will bear you in His arms.

Do not anticipate what will happen tomorrow.
The same everlasting Father who cares for you today
will take care of you tomorrow and every day.
Either He will shield you from suffering, or
He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace, then, and put aside all anxious thoughts
and imaginations..."

And then I paddle back home, buoyed by the support of the unseen, which visited and upheld me yesterday, and is with me now - and always...

Expanding Light and Being Grateful

This week, I invited my students to work slowly, but deeply in their poses, by focusing on the breath. We didn't do as many poses - but we worked them over and over, noticing where the breath flowed, and where it got stuck.

As I had them inhale - I asked them to visualize their essence as a white light within, growing more fully with each inbreath - and expanding outside of the confines of their physical bodies, into the room, and beyond. With every outbreath, I asked them to visualize their physical form draping and hugging into the sweetness of this inner light burning brightly within.

Imagine if we all visualized ourselves as expanding light. At some point our lights would merge into one and there would be nothing left but light!

It seemed to me, that the more we experienced ourselves and each other as light - the more grateful we would become. In the midst of so much negative news lately, a grateful heart and an expansive inner light are welcome experiences.

Later, I read the latest newsletter by Steve Rother, and his wife Barbara had this to say. I excerpt freely:

"A favorite quote from the Dalai Lama is 'Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.'

In day to day life we are often faced with challenges of all kinds. If we choose to approach anything with a positive perspective we can move through situations with less stress. It helps to reach out to everyone you meet with a warm heart. By doing this most often you will feel their love and support in return. It is rewarding to share your lives with another, both the high and the low periods.

Begin your day with thankfulness for this beautiful world. This will give you a sense of well-being and gratitude. Here are some words that have inspired me. I hope you find them a good reminder as well.

Think freely and with an open mind. Smile often.
Tell those you love that you do.
Rediscover old friends.
Make new ones.
Hope, grow and reach out.
Pick or buy some flowers and share them.
Keep a promise.
Laugh heartily.
Let someone into your life.
Hug a child.
Slow down by seeing a sunrise or sunset.
Listen to the rain. Enjoy the warmth of the sunshine.
Trust life and yourself. Have faith.
Make mistakes and learn from them.
Explore the unknown.
Celebrate life!"

For Steve Rother's site and readings, visit:
www.Lightworker.com

Mist and Fog

I watch the remnants of the early morning fog - a fine mist skipping and dancing on the surface of the water, burn off - slowly and delicately. I come here, to the river, unexpectedly, after a cancellation in my morning schedule...

It is chilly, but comforting, and I am glad to be here. I have missed coming here on almost a daily basis. I watch one lone paddler take off downstream - a place I have yet to explore...

I think of how I was first brought to this river - and by whom - and how it brings such solace in my life. It has been a great gift in the midst of so many transitions...I'm sure, that on some level, it was foreseen...

I reflect on how everyone carries some pain in their life - physical or otherwise - how sometimes it is obvious, but how many times it is far from evident...

I think of a beloved former student and medical doctor, in the prime of her youth - committing to marriage this week, despite the cancer ravaging her body - daring to live in hope despite the uncertainty she faces...

I think of a family member deeply grieving in the midst of losing those closest to her - all of a sudden stripped of her support system...

I think of a friend facing yet another round of medical exams which may result in a very bleak outcome...

And I think of another life-long friend, living with HIV, and subject to all that that entails...

Then I think of myself and all that my heart silently ponders and deeply grieves for, and wonder - what is all that in the light of all the rest?

I watch the remnants of the fog burn off, and am reminded that this life, and all of its events and issues are also fleeting. They too, will someday lift away, like the very mist on this river...

Back on the River

I return to the river after an absence of over a week. Though it is Columbus Day, I have the river to myself...

The leaves are beginning to turn - yellows predominating here and there and everywhere - things starting to dry - we have truly entered into the "vata" season...

I review some of the insights gained from my training in Santa Fe. I think of how important the breath is in our healing and in the practice. I have not been as attentive of the breath as I should have...

I meditate and float, and rejoice at having tracked down a long lost friend from my youth - a man I have loved throughout the years and never forgotten... Maybe there could have been more between us - or maybe there was in another lifetime...I am saddened to learn of his health, intuitively having sensed for some time that something was amiss...I think of how people come and go in our lives, leaving imprints and even scars in our hearts and souls...

I have missed coming to the river. It feels so comforting - and familiar. I drink in its silence and sink into its deep embrace. Despite feeling so alone for so long - in my heart of hearts I know I am not alone and I know I can never go back to what once was on so many levels...

I think of opening to grace and how it implies acceptance of what is as I let go and simply breathe...

"Breath is the link between the inner and outer worlds."
- Alice Christensen

"Controlled deep breathing helps the body to transform the air we breathe into energy.
The stream of energized air produced by properly executed and controlled deep breathing
produces a current of inner energy which radiates throughout the entire body and can be
channelled to the body areas that need it the most, on demand."
- Nancy Zi

Opening to Grace - Redux

I am up before 5 AM, ready to begin my long trek home...

There are always insights in every training for me, and this time - the over-riding message is simple: opening to grace...I need to deepen in this practice in so many ways - and in so many aspects of my life - not just in the practice... There are are parts of me that have simply resisted this - consciously and unconsciously...

I had the blessing of being surrounded by world class yogis and yoginis - not just in terms of their practice - but in terms of the beauty of their hearts...

Every time I hung back with some trepidation during some assist, someone would approach me, encouraging me, saying you can do this, and compassionately talking me through it...

So much that can be said but will be left unsaid...

What a beautiful community!

So many blessings!

Opening to Grace

The day is dawning on the last day of the training, and though it has been a wonderful experience sharing with members of the larger Anusara Yoga community, I am missing home and ready to return!

Yesterday was magical in many ways. The theme for the morning was appropriately, "Opening to Grace," which we worked on by focusing on softening in the thickest part of the thoracic spine at the base of the shoulder blades - the very root of the heart - where we tend to harden. We worked by creating greater opening, lengthening, and extension in our bodies.

It was amazing to see how deeply we all could open as we did rather nuanced assists I had not seen or done before - such as helping each other balance in handstand or forearm balance by simply pressing on the occiput of our partners or at the base of the shoulder blades.

We were constantly reminded as teachers to say and live the very essence of this mantra: "Let my will serve thy will," for it would lead us to greater clarity and insight.

John Friend spoke of "bala" as the capacity to access power and noted that when we remember where our power comes from - we are able to access our strength and knowledge - and he spoke of this as he assisted a beautiful yogini in a series of challenging backbends, including scorpion.

We were also encouraged to become chalices to be filled on this day of atonement.

Towards the end of the morning, this wonderful angel sent by God, and named Michael, could see I was hanging back on an urdhva dhanurasana assist. I have avoided this pose because of its heart opening qualities and its tendencies to release a lot of emotions. Michael very gently, and compassionately led me into greater alignment in a very sequential fashion until I was up in the pose. When I came down he was so happy to see a visceral change in me and urged me to go look in the mirror.

As I mentioned to a friend later, I am still continually amazed by the love and support of this community, even when we do not know each other very well. Even so, every one tries to bring out the best in the other.

During the lunch break, I took a Hindu friend of mine to a religious supply store. She was interested in buying a Madonna. We struck up a wonderful conversation with the woman who owned the store. She gave us blessed medals for protection, and my friend and I bought beautiful states of the Virgin Mary for our respective meditation altars. Mine was appropriately a manifestation of "Our Lady of Grace."

On this penultimate day of our training, I was showered with grace in so many beautiful ways!

Transformation, Releasing, Healing

Yesterday, I thought about how this whole training is about transformation, releasing, and healing, on so many levels. I noticed that I carried my body differently - just as I did after the training on the "Art of Adjusting" in Sarasota, in April.

One of my yogini friends shared with me how one of her teachers simply uses yoga and the breath - to work out the issues in his body. He believes that no other type of bodywork is needed.

In this workshop, we work with some of the most basic poses - but we are working much more deeply and subtly with alignment - sometimes almost spending nearly an hour on one pose as we learn to soften and increase our sensitivity to the Shakti energy flowing through us. I have experiences of poses that are different - and deeper and richer than I have ever imagined.

Transformation is not always easy. As John Friend noted yesterday, the cycle can be painful - and if you have emotional clinging to something, the suffering you experience will be greater. There are some experiences we can transform, but we may carry around their scars forever.

It was also amazing for me to note, that despite the advanced level of practice of the participants, there were many serious injuries that people were dealing with - yet the healing power of yoga was helping transform them on many levels - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. For some of those present, yoga had been miraculous. And nearly all of those present here are used to working with energy regularly with their students.

One of the reasons I was interested in this training, was because of my own work with Reiki. I have been looking to be shown a way to more effectively integrate both.

Recently, I came across these quotes, which seem appropriate to share here:

"Only, in growth, reform and change,
paradoxically, enough -
is true security found."
- Anne Morrow Lindberg

"The smallest change in perspective
can transform a life.
What tiny attitude adjustment
might turn your world around?"
- Oprah

"It is difficult to see the picture
when you are inside the frame."
- Author Unknown

"What is necessary to change a person
is to change his awareness of himself."
- Abraham Mazlow

Softening

As I write this, it is nearly 2 PM, and the bells are chiming, calling the nuns to prayer.

Yesterday, was a day that moved a lot of energy for me, as well as for many others, and we began this day by sharing those experiences. This property sits on a bed of rose quartz which opens and heals the heart chakra, so it is a very energetic site that can support the healing work we are doing.

I am always amazed at how supportive people are at these trainings. There is something about this community that is incredible. Over time, there is a cohesion, respect, and support, that Anusara Yoga teachers have developed for each other. Those attending are very in tune energetically, and we are walking with each other on our various healing paths. I am continually touched by the depth of insights, sharing, and openess within this community.

For example, this morning, a beautiful yogini noted how this is Yom Kippur, and how the day is tied into ahimsa (non-violence) and forgiveness. On this day you offer the highest and most authentic part of yourself and ask for forgiveness of those you have hurt - but you only do it three times. You offer what you have from a place of vulnerability and then you release and say you are sorry for the hurting you have caused. But you are not responsible for how it is received.

I found myself re-visiting hurts as a result of the practice which is taking us very deeply from an energetic perspective. There is so much I could say, but it has to wait because I don't have the time and it is also personal and difficult to articulate.

I am also amazed at all the insights I am getting into my practice - and how as I work with many different people - they bring up the very same things...There is always so much to work on - layers, upon layers - and you continually receive the messages you need to listen to.

Yesterday afternoon we did a powerful clearing ritual for each other. We teamed up in pairs. Incredible energy shifted for many. We were reminded at the end of the day to visualize a column of light within us to strengthen our core - for if we are weak there - we will harden on the outside to protect.

So many of these wonderful teachers I have paired up with are showing me that I am very strong - but I have hardened and need to soften in my practice. It seems to be the over-riding message for me. I know I have been very protective throughout this year.

As I worked with one woman today, she noted the mindfulness I engaged in my pose. She described it as poetry - but yet again, I was invited to bring some softening and surrendering into the pose.

So many lessons, coming from so many different places!

Bhakti on the Outside

The internet connection at my inn has been somewhat uncooperative, so I brought my laptop to the workshop venue and decided to write for a bit during lunch and then go for a walk.

This training is being held at the Monastery of the Immaculate Heart of Mary - a home for Carmelite nuns living at the foothills of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains.

This morning's session focused on cultivating our vision by creating a greater opening in the neck and shoulders. We were also encouraged to increase our power of visualization and to soften our hearts by seeing others. We were urged to cultivate our bhakti (devotion for others) on the outside before cultivating it for ourselves. In others words, it is easier, as the Bhagavad Gita points out, to experience love and devotion outwardly, before we can experience it inwardly for ourselves.

There are of course, different schools of thought on this. Some would suggest cultivating lovingkindness for ourselves first before we can do it for others. Certainly both practices have merit.

We continue to work very subtly with energy - but somehow very powerfully. Something deep is shifting inside of me, and I am finding myself feeling a lot very deeply. I am defnitely experiencing the interplay between bhakti on the inside and the outside...

Grace and Acceptance

I have been in Santa Fe now for a couple of days, having arrived late on Saturday to acclimate to the altitude - which was a good thing - because yesterday I was naseous and lightheaded for most of the day. But, I took some recommended drops which made all the difference.

Today, was the first day of a training in advanced therapeutics and energy with John Friend. It was a fairly intimate gathering of yogis and yoginis, and we focused on seeing and sensing energy and its various flows, in very basic poses and simple, but powerful exercises.

John began by saying to us that he wanted us to be able touch with our eyes and sense with our whole beings. He wanted us to learn to open up more and to cultivate a greater ability to listen. He spoke a lot about the exchange of energy that occurs between a teacher and student and how to work with it more effectively. The experience of the training is very subtle, at a much slower pace, and much more relaxed and introspective.

I am also enjoying re-connecting with the yogini friend I traveled with. She is watching my practice and making many wonderful observations and suggestions, since she has a thriving therapeutic practice. One of the things she suggested I needed to work on was to soften in the knees and open to grace more there - as a first step to being more grounded in my legs - noting that I needed to do this before I could focus more deeply on the other principles. She spoke about how grace and acceptance are related.

I came away with many insights from the day. Normally, I come back and type my notes, but instead, I have decided to be more in the moment - enjoying the company of many - and the opportunity to connect with others. Typing can always come later...

Living for Others

While I was in Palm Springs in September, I read a wonderful article in the paper about a therapist who is 99 years and still in private practice. She is a woman who has seen much and gone through much. I excerpt this material from an article written by Steve Lopez for Los Angeles Times on September 14, 2008.

"I was put on this Earth to accomplish certain things," says Hedda Bolgar, a psychologist and psychoanalyst. "I'm so far behind I can never die."

She led her interviewer into her office, where she meets with clients, some of them therapists themselves, and whatever burden they carry into this room - the lost of a spouse, regret, guild, fear of death - Bolgar knows something of the experience, having lived through revolutions, war, and famine. She left Vienna the day Hitler came in. Her parents were friends of Carl Jung and urged her to work to meet society's unmet needs.

The secret to a long and healthy life, Bolgar says, is to be a citizen of the world. She has joined anti-war protests and fought against prejudice...

"You need to be invested. You have to care about what happens."

The rest of the article documents the tremendous impact she has had on others lives. It is so uplifting and inspiring to see a woman who is only looking forward, not back, despite many experiences we would consider difficult to deal with, including losing relatives in the Holocaust. Certainly a wonderful lesson!

Connecting to Heaven Through Earth

As I paddled upstream later this morning, on my way to explore a portion of the river I have only been to a few times, I thought of how God gives you exactly what you need when you need it - whether or not it is what you want.

In the last few days I have connected with several friends I have not seen or written to in months. Yet each came back into my life at precisely the right time with precisely the right message - each one unexpectedly - but each one contributing a greater clarity to the mosaic of my life.

I also reflected on the insight from a friend who noted that paddling into the fog took a tremendous amount of risk and that it was also symbolic of the risks I have been taking in life.

Often while I am on the river, I recite the Reiki Precepts. One of them exhorts us to be true to our way - whatever that may be. My own yoga teacher reminded me of this after my return from the river, which was simply exquisite this morning.

I have not seen the heron - but I unexpectedly came upon a huge turtle lazily floating on a log - as I was on my way back to the boat launch - on the other side of the island I always visit. I startled him and he jumped back into the water. I recalled a blog entry I made while I was back in Cape Cod in August, on the turtle and its relationship to "pratyahara" - which means withdrawal of the senses. My experiences on the river are a dance between withdrawing from some senses, journeying inward like the turtle, and having other senses definitely heightened.

I decided to look up the significance of the turtle, and in one entry I found this:

"Turtles remind us that the way to heaven is through earth.
In Mother Earth is all we need.
She will care for us, protect us, and nurture us,
as long as we do the same for her.
For that to happen, we must slow down
and heighten our sensibilities.
We must see the connection to all things..."

Turtles are also about longevity and awakening to opportunities...

The turtle offers both protection and wisdom and is one of the oldest symbols known to humans...

I will have to reflect more on this...

El Rio

This morning was simply beautiful - cool, breezy, fresh - a typical fall morning...

I stopped by the river on my way to an acupuncture treatment and noticed that the river was vibrant, and nothing but undulating waves. Leaves were casually being released into the waters by surrounding trees, and they floated downstream effortlessly...

I watched two kayakers take off on a bumpy ride and disappear...

My rocks were under water, so I found another one to sit on and do my meditation as my senses took in the beauty of the landscape and the morning. It never fails to amaze me how the river can look so different each time I come...

A friend and former student of mine has also been going to the river on a regular basis this year - though she accesses the river at another park farther downstream from where I do. She has developed her own relationship to the river and her insights, which she has periodically shared with me, are nothing short of breathtaking and enlightening.

Recently, she wrote a friend about her experiences in Spanish. While I cannot truly capture the poetry and eloquence of her original words, I asked for permission to share her insights here. At first, I intended to post her ruminations in Spanish, but then I realized that most of my readers would not be able to savor her delicious insights.

So - dear Veronica - I freely translate and share your reflections, hoping to convey some of the innate beauty of your musings.... Thank you for sharing!

Rio (The River)

Today I went to the river I have been visiting so often during this year.
There are days it calls out to me.
The river is a refuge that embraces me and teaches me so much...
This connection that exists between the river and me is almost like a ritual.

As I visit it regularly, I begin to recognize details and notice subtle changes.
I note the changes of the coming season, which are now very evident.
The leaves of the trees are still green and reluctant to let go of their branches.
Yet they surrender to increasing humidity or dryer weather when they finally release.

The squirrels seem to urgently gather their provisions for the coming winter.

I often walk on a path along the river banks until it ends.
Sometimes I listen to music until the visual feast that unfolds before me overtakes this sense. Every once in a while, I stop and take in the beautiful panorama that nature has to offer.
Every time, I am simply amazed at the abundance that this, our universe, has to offer.
And every time, I more deeply comprehend that everything is exactly as it should be in this particular moment in time.

The current of the river changes its rhythm from one place to the other,
depending on the whims of the wind and the shape of the river banks.
I note the depth and breath of the shoreline and how it varies from one visit to another.
Tree limbs and rocks manifest and disappear.
What never changes is the energy that flows eternally and which moves the current.
It is just like everything else in life.

As I near the end of the path, I rest on some rocks.

Imagine how ridiculous it is that one day I even began to think of them as my rocks.
I have had the good fortune to go to the river during weekdays when there are hardly other persons there.
Like today, when I did not see another soul.

The Fourth of July [which is Independence Day here]
I visited "my" rocks and they had been invaded.
Some Salvadoreans weren't only playing very loud salsa music,
but they were also making tortillas -
on my rocks!
For a few moments I was angry. I wanted silence.
So I ran to another rock that I did not know.

Instead of inviting silence, I invited surrender.
I observed the group enjoying a day off.
I listened to the music that reminded them of their roots.
Then I laughed as I realized how absurd I was to think that the rocks were mine.

Today the river received me in silence.
That type of silence that allows you to listen to the music that comes from the flow of the river.
I sat and wrote in my journal for a while.
Reflections poured out of me, very easily.

I closed my eyes for a while to meditate on the sounds.
Birds, the current, the breeze, airplanes, leaves blowing in the wind, and my breath.
Blessings.

That is how one gains insights.
Moments when one feels totally and completely as one truly is.
And when one also is in tune with the whole magnitude of nature.
Its currents and turbulence.
Its fluctuations - what changes and what is constant.

I see all that is possible.
Until the end of time when all becomes one.